Friday Night Life

Well today is Friday and I worked 3-11p.m. I'm not sure if I mentioned I have an AMAZING babysitter or not. But I do. Work was slow due to the total down poor that has been going on seriously all day, its getting old. But Lindz text-ed me about 10:30p and said she is wide awake, laying in the other room signing puppies puppies puppies. I was thinking O'boy am I in trouble.

So we are home now and about 20 minutes of her running around with her favorite new plastic bag, and half talking to her dad on speaker phone, she is now in bed humming herself to sleep. Im hoping for a good nights sleep from her, cause she has not had one in a while.

Taytum and her bag 

We need to run to the store in the morning, something I avoided today due to the rain and not wanting to get her in and out of it. After all it is winter. I really hate getting up early, or what is early for me. I never have enjoyed it.

Rainy day game of Peek-a-boo. She loves hiding 

The last couple days have been a little stressful. Taytum has been a little crabby and emotional. And for some reason extra clumsy. In the last 3 days she has ended up with bangs to her head and is always falling down. I'm not sure if her stuffy head is throwing off her balance or what. But we are pressing forward and making due. I may buy her a helmet

Taytum in her first bib in forever. The amount of drool we have
 going on is crazy. Also with her brothers boots and dads Bible  

Taytum has really taken to the babysitter, and it has made all the difference in her going. I was not worried about the babysitter treating her bad. Just worried cause Tay has never really been taken care of anyone but me or her dad. But she LOVES it and loves the kids to. They are a lot older then her, but still spoil her rotten. So it makes work so much better then it could be.

I'm still an emotional roller coaster. I don't know how I feel about things from day to day. I'm getting by and my house has never been cleaner. My OCD has really kicked in again and you could eat off of the floor. But I just don't know which way is up sometimes. An I really get bored sitting here alone all the time. I didn't think I would but when Tay is asleep its really boring. So i am going to start really reading the bible more and figuring things out.

One day at a time, I guess.

One Week

Well today marks a week. One week that I have been on my own, I'm 31 and struggling hard with this. But some may think 31 and just now on her own. Oh how I wish that was the case, but it is not. I have been living on my own on and off since I was probably 20 years old. Today marks one week that I have been on my own with my soon to be one and a half year old. 

Things were getting hard with me and her dad, and while I still love him very much things needed to change. My husband was losing his job right after Taytum was born. It was either we will move you to a different location and make you drive forever or you can leave type of situation. Since then he has had several small paying jobs but nothing to write home about. Yes he has tried to get job but has come up short. But I couldn't take the stress of it anymore. I was either going to get him to help or do it on my own. 

So here we are I'm doing in on my own. He has moved back to California (where he is from) to stay  with family and see if his odds of getting a job are better out there. Because we live in BFE Illinois (not where every assumes when you say Illinois, nowhere near Chicago. But all the way down at the other end of the state). I still talk and text him and Taytum video messages him when we can. But its nowhere near the  same.

Video chat from the other day 

Today I'm struggling hard. Its wrapping up my last day off, I have been at home day and night for 3 days now. Just spending all the time in the world with her and soaking it up. But tomorrow she goes to a babysitter. I word that has not been in her life since about 3 months old. That was probably the last time she has gone to one. I'm not worried about who is babysitting (because Lindsay is amazing) but more so of just her being gone. Even though she will still be in the same town its just different in some ways. 

I'm also struggling cause right now as I type this my poor baby is having a hard time sleeping. She is cutting her K9 teeth both at the same time. And she cant breath, has a runny nose and I'm pretty sure she hates life right now. She has been a crab for the most part of today, with good reason. But its been hard on me, because she has been very needy. Which I understand, but that makes it hard for me to do anything, like cook supper or do things normal people need to do throughout the day. 

But we have managed and I have all her things ready to go to the babysitters but I'm not sure that I'm actually ready. I'm also having a hard time with her not seeing her sisters and brother. For not only am I a Mommy but to 3 little kids I am Momma Mandi (yes a step mom) and those three kids are amazing. And I'm having a hard time with her not seeing them like she is used to. 

Got her a new car seat so the
Babysitter use the old one. 

But even though its hard now, I think it will pay off in the long run. After all I'm doing this for her and believe God has lead me on this path. I know that he is here to pick up the pieces when I fall.